Digging Deeper into Goals for 2025 (love my inner child more)

 

When I was in middle school, my favorite night of the week was Sunday night. That's when The Simpsons aired on TV, and after the Fox cartoon line up was Sunday night football. I remember how excited I would get sitting on the couch in my basement. Usually, I could only watch the first half of the Sunday Night Football Game, after which my parents insisted that I go to bed so I could get a good night sleep before school the next day. 

Maybe when I was in eighth grade or so, I remember my Dad coming downstairs and teasing me for being in front of the TV again watching football. The exact phrase he said was "oh, a little football for a change?," which was sarcastic, because I watched a lot of football. I also remember how my middle brother would tease me for watching football. If we were at a restaurant and there was a TV showing a football game, he would make fun of me and give me a hard time if I watched it. Or maybe even specifically keep me from sitting somewhere where I could watch it. I don't remember exactly. 

Anyway, I watched a Ravens game with a friend today and it was a lot of fun. I yelled when the Ravens went up, I yelled when the Ravens were down. It was honestly a thrilling game. It felt good to yell. Just to feel something, to be exuberant, to be emotional in public, to not constantly police my own emotions as to whether or not they are rational or sophisticated. Lamar Jackson threw an interception about twelve yards away from the endzone -- are you fucking kidding me??!! And then the Ravens got an interception right back, and then took that interception into the endzone. What the fuck. That was an amazing game, and the Ravens have some absolutely unbelievable players on their team.

But more broadly, I've been reflecting on how the pressures of school, as well as other pressures, led me to cut myself off from various sources of pleasure and excitement. I'm grateful that I've developed taste in things beyond watching football, but it can be unhealthy when you cut yourself off from that childhood sense of joy and exuberance. 

And also, what about a world where I could just stay up late watching the Simpsons, Family Guy and Sunday Night Football. Where the pressures of neoliberalism are not constantly policing the joy and the pleasure that children experience organically?

When I was in middle school and my Dad came downstairs to tease me about how much TV I was watching, I remember getting upset and telling him that I spent a lot of time reading and doing my homework, and that I was already judicious about minimizing my "screen time" and that I really did not appreciate being teased about it. But on some level, I took his message to heart, and in high school I really stopped watching football completely and I spent almost all of my time divided between school and soccer, with very few diversions in between. 

I am thinking back on this and making a mental note for myself to prioritize my own joy and fun more than the pressures of high school allowed. And to not become douchey and elitist and out of touch and holier than thou. I spent my Friday night on a picket line with striking Amazon workers, and I spent Saturday watching football, and that was great. Yeah, the NFL is evil and blah blah blah, but watching Lamar Jackson play is a blessing, and watching that game today did something good for me.